


Just Add Water

by whatsup_buttercup



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dream Magic, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Magical Sponge People, Or at least semi-seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29618004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsup_buttercup/pseuds/whatsup_buttercup
Summary: Yuuri lets out a long, slow breath. As long as Viktor doesn’t post it for the internet to mock, the damage is already done. “It’s a grow-a-boyfriend kit,” he mumbles against Viktor’s collar, “Phichit got it to tease me.”Viktor does that pleased little hum. “And can you explain why it has silver hair and blue eyes?”
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 38
Kudos: 182





	Just Add Water

**Author's Note:**

> Very, very loosely inspired by a tweet by yuuriontwt. Sincere apologies in advance.

Yuuri should have been more wary when Phichit offered to send a box of “Detroit things” his way, but with all the distraction of moving to St. Petersburg with Viktor, settling into his apartment and his home rink and his life there, Yuuri didn’t consider what it would be, or why it was left behind in the first place.

Things that _really should_ have been left behind.

The box when it arrives is small–international shipping is expensive!–and sits on their counter for a few days, scuffed and unassuming.

“Yuuri, is it okay if I open this?” Viktor calls from the kitchen.

“Sure!” Yuuri says, focused on his mobile game on the couch. He doesn’t look up.

He has been battling another user in the ranking for weeks and is close to a personal best when Viktor’s surprised laughter interrupts him. _Game over_ flashes on the screen.

The package. From Phichit. He wouldn’t, would he? Yuuri scrambles up to check.

“Yuuri, this is amazing!” Viktor holds out his treasure from the box right next to his face, beaming. “When did you get this? Did you make it?”

Oh, god. A full body flush travels from his forehead and down to his toes. It is a gag gift from his dark history, a novelty _Grow A Boyfriend!_ toy that’s meant to be dunked in water. “I’m going to kill Phichit.”

“What? No. This is excellent. I’m going to tag it with him on Insta–”

Yuuri tries to grab it but he isn’t fast enough. Viktor has only a few inches of height on him, but he holds the stupid toy just out of reach and can jump just as well as Yuuri can. Trying to gain the advantage, Yuuri wraps his arms around Viktor’s chest and snuggles against his neck. “Viktor, please.”

Viktor relents a bit, but doesn’t drop the toy. He’s too cunning. “All right, I won’t post it publicly. As long as you tell me all about it.”

Yuuri lets out a long, slow breath. As long as Viktor doesn’t post it for the internet to mock, the damage is already done. “It’s a grow-a-boyfriend kit,” he mumbles against Viktor’s collar. “Phichit got it to tease me.”

Viktor does that pleased little hum. “And can you explain why it has silver hair and blue eyes?”

“Viktor.” He pouts.

“They do look rather crudely added. An after market design?” Viktor pets his back.

Resigned to his fate, Yuuri says, “I told him that the only man I wanted was Viktor Nikiforov, and that this one was no good. So he modified it for me.”

“Yuuri.” Viktor puts his hand over his heart. Maybe all the embarrassment is worth it, for the way it makes Viktor glow.

Viktor hands him the toy, in its taped-together packaging, and Yuuri smiles too, mostly at himself. “He only sent it to tease me. Phichit can be a demon.”

“I’ll send him my thanks,” Viktor says.

The packaging has really seen better days, but the text is still legible. _If you can’t get a date, grow the perfect mate! Just add water!!_

“I miss him,” Yuuri says, “I know he’s having a good time back in Thailand with Ciao Ciao, but it was fun being his roommate.”

They had been two people from warm climates, bonding over the frozen wasteland of winter in Detroit.

“I can see that,” Viktor says. “Well, should we grow this mystery man to full size? In honor of Phichit?”

“Do you really want to?” Yuuri squints at the packaging. “It says it takes a few days to get to full size.”

“I never got to play with this type of thing when I was little,” Viktor says. “And I like the little guy’s style. Indulge me?”

“Okay.”

Before getting rid of the packaging, Yuuri takes a picture of it to remember. He sends it to Phichit with the caption: _I miss you but also you’re terrible._

The reply is almost instant. _I’ll take that as a compliment. It’s fair game, you’re practically married! I miss you too._

Yuuri sets the toy in a big bowl in the kitchen and proceeds to forget about it entirely.

* * *

Their mornings have settled into a harmonious, domestic routine. Viktor wakes up first, because he is a monster of a morning person, takes his shower and gets Makkachin out for her morning walk. Around that time, Yuuri drags himself out of the blankets and brushes his teeth with sullen energy, still only half-awake.

Their nutritionist provides fresh, pre-packaged meals, and Yuuri stumbles into the kitchen to start the coffee and water for tea, so it’ll be ready when Viktor and Makkachin return.

Except he’s not alone in the kitchen. Viktor is standing there, naked as the day he was born, in full view of the floor-to-ceiling windows. Yuuri squeaks.

Viktor turns at the sound. “Hello!”

Yuuri scrambles over to close the curtains, “What are you doing!?”

“Hi,” Viktor says, still smiling, “good morning.” His skin is dewy and wet, like he just stepped out of a bath.

Yuuri wonders when the last time he had a dream this vivid and weird was when he hears the key turn in the lock to their apartment. A different Viktor enters, dressed for the weather and with Makkachin on a leash, and pauses in shock when he sees his doppelganger in the kitchen.

“Well, that’s new,” Viktor-in-the-entryway says. “Yuuri?”

“Hello!” Viktor-in-the-kitchen calls out, cheery as anything.

“Viktor, what’s going on?” Yuuri goes over to his fiance, keeping a wary eye on the kitchen. “Is this another prank?”

“He wasn’t here when I woke up,” Viktor confirms, “but Makkachin doesn’t seem bothered.”

Makkchin isn’t bothered at all, ignoring all the humans to lay in her designer doggy bed.

“Maybe we’re hallucinating,” Yuuri says, after pinching his arm to try to wake up, “maybe someone spiked our water.”

There is a small puddle under the naked, dewy Viktor. _Water..._

“It's not pretend when you grow the perfect friend,” the strange Viktor says, “dry me out and use me again!”

“It’s that toy!” Yuuri says. “That stupid toy from Phichit!”

Viktor looks the toy up and down. “It didn’t look so anatomically correct in the package.”

He’s definitely… a detailed toy. Unnervingly so. It’s unfair that Yuuri blushes so easily. “No, it did not.”

“I grow 6 times my original size,” the toy says, helpfully.

“I can see that,” Viktor says.

“Doesn’t this bother you?” Yuuri feels like he might be in a hidden camera show or something to that effect. The world doesn’t make sense right now.

“It’s very, very strange,” Viktor agrees, patting Yuuri’s back, “but I think he’s harmless?”

The trouble is, Yuuri has a known weakness, and that is Viktor Nikiforov. That weakness apparently extends to magical toys that look just like Viktor Nikiforov and splash water all over their kitchen floor. “I should go get a towel.”

“Grab the lube too!” Viktor says.

“What?”

“What?”

* * *

Yuuri wakes up in the dark of their bedroom with the clock blinking 07:00. The first thing he does is head to the kitchen and take the toy, with its soggy paint and drawn-on eyes, out of the bucket. It is bigger but nowhere near human sized, and he sets it on a towel to dry out again.

“You’re up early,” Viktor says, when he arrives back from Makkachin’s morning walk to find his fiance sitting at the counter and pensively staring into a cup of coffee.

“Mmhmm,” Yuuri agrees, distracted.

“Your cheeks are flushed, are you feeling okay?” Viktor kisses his forehead.

“I’m fine. Just had a weird dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Yuuri looks deep into his coffee cup. “No.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the silliest things I've ever written. Thank you to the enablers. Also, apologies–I promise I'm still working on my actual fics too, lmao.


End file.
